7. Decaf Coffee

"Do you want Regular or Decaf?"
"Oh, definitely Decaf. Then afterwords maybe we can go to the bar and drink some O'Douls. How's that sound? Then maybe we can go buy a fleece jacket that has no sleeves, or maybe some Capri pants. What do ya say?"

What the hell is the point of a Decaf coffee? I thought the whole reason people drink coffee is to wake up; that's why they find a way to make that disgustingly bitter, black poison drinkable with all of that sugar and cream they dump in there. What, are you drinking it just because you like to drink something that tastes so bad that you have to cover up its flavor? Right about now you might be saying "well what about the people who take their coffee black?" Well those people are fucking crazy and have obviously been drinking coffee for too long if their taste buds have become immune to that horribly awful tasting shitty splooge of a drink. Have you ever tried black coffee? I would rather drink the blood from a dying skunk with Rabies and Syphilis than EVER, EVER, EVER try black coffee again. Holy God it's fucking terrible.